Tag Archives: pleasure

Sexism and Sexuality and “Sacred Pleasure”

I am very excited right now: I have finally picked up a book from the postal office that I had ordered three weeks ago. It is „Sacred Pleasure – Sex, Myth, and the politics of the body – new paths to power and love“ by Riane Eisler. I had first heard of it in a mentioning by Kelly Bryson in a video that I have watched on Youtube.

So far I have only scanned through the index and I am very very much looking forward to reading it.

Learning about sex-positivism in the last 1,5 years has certainly had a major impact on me. I have learned to question the (temporal) monogamous relationship model and have learned about the idea to appreciate „having sex“ simply for the sake of having sex and pleasure. I have met people who live in other relationship models than the one our society approves of. I have faced a lot of my fears and jealousies. I have experienced that I can very well love and be sexual with someone and at the same time be happy if that someone loves and has sex with another person as well.

One big unresolved issue definitely is for me what I call „sexism“ and what to my understanding (so far) Riane Eisler might call male sexual dominance culture. My problem here is that the older I get the more turned off I get by any sexism that I sense in my sex partners. And why is that a problem? Well it is a problem for me, because it seems to me that the sexism really is extremely widespread especially when it comes to sex. This is my own experience at least.

I am definitely not at a point yet where I am able to fully comprehend (even) for myself, what the whole thing that I call sexism really is for me – but one aspect definitely is an approach to sex where you regard the partner as having to be there for your pleasure and satisfaction. You know the objectification. Hmm. The crucial part here for me is really the „having to be there for the pleasure and satisfaction “ idea behind that. I mean I find it absolutely beautiful if one partner gives the other partner pleasure/satisfaction and I definitely enjoy sex where sex is a giving and taking. I definitely love giving pleasure as much as I love receiving it. But this joy of sexual giving&taking – for me – is very far from thinking that the other has to be there for my satisfaction.

You know in a way I am shocked that in my experience the great majority of men perceive sex as a practice of taking pleasure and satisfaction (as opposed to receiving) or who when they aim to give pleasure to their sex partner, it often borders on forcing rather than giving. And in women I feel that either they are very other-determined and expect somehow pleasure to be forced upon them, or they become self-determined but often then start regarding sex as taking pleasure also.

Also it is very seldom that I found openness and sensitivity in those men to really listen to the partner verbally and non-verbally about how they can give pleasure to them. The idea about „I am the man, I should know how to pleasure my lover.“ seems to limit the openness and the capacity to connect sexually.

I am most open and curious to hearing about other people’s experiences and opinions. So feel free to comment

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Lust for Life

What a goddamn pleasure to be alive,
to walk this earth for this short time of my life,
to be – to BE in all my sweet imperfection.

Life in its humble glory and my unsatiable lust for it.
I love this life and I love you who are sharing it with me,
breathing while I am breathing,
living while I am living.

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Daily Words of Appreciation
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