Tag Archives: Pain

Hear the dance

I will tell the story of this beautiful life. I remember.

Woman, do you remember when Life is beautiful?
Do you hear the music?
No you dont, we know. But you do. It is been long since you have been alive. Life is just around the corner.

Life is great and good and with you.
Laugh.
You always knew about the dance. You remember the flight? Life is glorious. Can you catch the moment when it twists. The moment you live.
Do you hear the laughter, sweet child, beloved woman?
Do you feel the movement? Do you feel life? You can, cant you?
Oh yes it hurts but it is just as joyful, just the same.
You do live. Angel, you do live.

People? One missed note.

Always hear the tune. You will be. You are.
Hear the Water and the Fire – can you remember the joy? Can you remember the joy that is? Can you remember where you are going? Oh these sweet memories of pain to come, of joy to come.
Waves follow you through the world when you soar.
There is no end.
Dance that sweet dance of yours.
Never ever despair, we know your joy.
Cant you hear your dance? You can. Jump and twist around. You know that this is the flow. It is twirling. The joy is with you.
You will find. Just remember. Always remember yourself. No way you cannot become. You are becoming.
In the seasons of life. Dont despair. Summer holds you.
The treasure are you.
And you lie down at the ocean. Breathing life.

While you were coming home. We loved you.
Can you hear the dance? You want to dance your whole life through? You do angel, you will. Never despair, we know your rejoice.
You will dance.
Your dance is close by.
Trust me.
It is.
You can hear the tune. Dont despair – it is there. Dont despair.
Life lives. Rivers flow. To Rivers. Rivers flow. To the ocean. Deep, heavy ocean.

It is joy and we will ride.
After you came here. We never were alone.
We were two together.
And then you flew away, and we became one.
You were laughing in silver tones.
Always remember the laughter that is to come. Nowhere is there an end to this.
Always. Always.
Oh sweet life, desire.
And there flows the tune again. And you spin. There is no end to this.
You. Soar. High.

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Jeevan ho (This is life) by Nepathya

This is the first part of a sweet Nepali song that I like:

Jeevan ho gham chaya, sukha dukha dubai huncha
jiban ho bina maya, chatpati taba huncha
samaya chakrama ghumi rahane ghadiko suero ho ki
nashama ghumi rahane kunai bhula ho ki
hasi hasi banchi dincha khushima nachi dincha
yehi ho ki yesko bani, yo jindagani
yo jindagani, yo jindagani, yo jindagani
yo jindagani, yo jindagani, yo jindagani
Life is light and darkness, happiness and pain go hand in hand.
When Life is without love, there is suffering
Is the needle of time turning in the circle of the seasons?
Is it a fault to remain spinning in the twist of love?
Smiling we live, in happiness we dance.
This is the way of this life.
This life, this life, this life.
This life, this life, this life.

You can listen to it here.

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The reconciliation in the beauty of the little things

Today again once more, I have experienced how little moments of kindness, authenticity, generosity can reconcile me with human nature. For all the deep disappointment and pain I sometimes suffer, because I so much long for people to be kind, compassionate, generous, authentic, lively towards me and others and themselves (!) – something very little can make up for it. And sometimes I am really so fed up with humanity. So sad, that people are so dominated by their fears. But then a glimpse of beauty is all it needs of for reconciliation. I love the human heart so much. So much!

So glad for being born!

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The little prince and the fox

The fox has been moving my heart since I first read the story. I think I love the fox more than anything.

“When the fox met the little prince and when the little prince met the fox:”

[…]

“My life is very monotonous,” the fox said. “I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . .”

[…]“One only understands the things that one tames,” said the fox. “Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me . . .”

[…]

The next day the little prince came back.

“It would have been better to come back at the same hour,” said the fox. “If, for example, you come at four o’clock in the afternoon, then at three o’clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o’clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you . . . One must observe the proper rites . . .”
[…]

So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near–

“Ah,” said the fox, “I shall cry.”

“It is your own fault,” said the little prince. “I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . .”

“Yes, that is so,” said the fox.

“But now you are going to cry!” said the little prince.

“Yes, that is so,” said the fox.

“Then it has done you no good at all!”

“It has done me good,” said the fox, “because of the color of the wheat fields.”
[…]

There is definitely a fox inside my heart.
I love the fox.

Read the whole chapter here

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I am here. I love you.

I am here. I love you.

You will march against your enemies to slay them brutally for all the wrong you think they have done?
Do that – I am with you, carrying your weapons and treating your wounds. I love you in your hatred and revengefullness.

You plunge in distraction and numbness to hide from one threatening thought?
Do that – I am with you, listening to your heart in your deafness. I love you through your aberrations and fears.

You are obsessively searching for healing and deliverance within your body?
Search – I am with you, watching over you. I love you in your helpless obsession and your bodily pain.

You are longing for one touch that will re-unite you with the flow of life?
Do that – I am with you holding your hand. I love you in your longing for a homecoming.

You are everything to me. Everything I love, that I find in you. Chose your path. I will always be with you. Nothing – absolutely nothing – you do could ever diminish my love for you. I love you for whatever you feel, desire and do.

And when loneliness comes hunting you, when my love for you seems nothing but a faint memory to you, then I love you the most and I am closer to you than ever.

I am here. I love you.

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Alive through the pain

I have read a post in Miki Kashtan’s Blog today and there was a paragraph where she wrote about pain in the context of griefing. She writes:

„In opening to the pain I am opening to acceptance. It’s as if the resistance to the pain comes from the unconscious idea that by not accepting it I can have more hope of changing it. Not so. In the acceptance I find peace, alignment, and the recognition that my choice is internal.“

Reading this I felt a stab of pain in my own chest. What agony have I suffered from trying to avoid pain! One of the reasons I am avoiding pain – if I am avoiding it – is the reason Miki is giving: I fear that if I accept the fact that something is hurting so very much at the moment, I feel I might give up on my determination and efforts to get what I need in the future.

But then there is some other blockade that somehow feels much more painful to relate here. It is painful to even think about it. The blockade is the believe that somehow feeling intense pain is un-normal, sick or crazy even. People think that someone who expresses their intense pain should be frowned upon.

Wow – even writing it down like this I want to scream in anger and desperation. „How can you think like this?“ it screams inside of me – „Dont you know the suffering you are causing? Are you too dumb or naive to understand that only through experiencing and accepting one’s own emotions there is a chance of healing? What kind of human being are you that you dont even know this very truth? How can there ever be anything truely positive in your life if you dont know this and live according to this? Wake up! Wake up for your own sake. Wake up for my sake.

What is it that people mean when they say: „Dont keep the hurt alive“? I believe the real meaning of that sentence is: >Dont avoid the hurt in its full extent, in its whole intensity, so that you will be able to let go, heal, be open and to take care of yourself.< And I think when people say: „Don’t keep the hurt alive“ that most of them would not agree on my translation of that sentence.

I think that to most people moving into the pain with open eyes and heart, seems destructive and dangerous. Probably – I am speculating – many people fear that opening to pain could evoke emotions, thoughts and ultimately actions that can cause a lot of harm and in the worst case death even. This fear I can personally relate to.

But I think there is also some other fear behind the believe of people that one should not open up (too much) to pain. Unfortunately to this I can relate much less. It is difficult for me to imagine, but I will try to describe what I understand: Sometimes seeing someone else opening up to pain, opens up ourself to our own pain from experiences of the past. So far I understand.

And I also understand that it takes a lot of courage and energy to deal with the own pain. One faces loneliness at times, helplessness and desperation at others, sometimes the pain is overwhelming, sometimes all this comes together and one involves oneself in actions that distract oneself from pain and thereby perpetuate and increase the pain. I know all this and I have experienced all this. And I understand all this. I understand the fear.

But what I dont understand, what puzzles, frustrates and annoys me at once is, why people dont believe that all the hardship of facing ones own pain is worth it?
How could people chose not to change, not to heal? Because that is what they chose if they dont open up to their pain. They chose stagnation, loneliness, emptiness, shallowness, and worst of all not to be alive.

Posted in Empathy, Life, NonViolent Communication (NVC) | Also tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment
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